The Pakistani Spectator

I have felt great deal of hopelessness, dejection and aggression in the posted articles at TPS which is quite natural in terms of the general mood of the people and the problems we all are facing these days.  But life is not all about complaining and moaning, its about the having the guts of managing few smiles as well every now and then to reduce stress factor and encouraging interaction.

Every picture has two sides, lets go for a critical analysis of the current scenario with a little bit of twisted humor so that we let the people around us who are directly or directly involved in the overall deterioration of system and politics.

Lets start with our President Zardari, half of his name is ZAR which means wealth and cash in Urdu language so the old sayings of our elders seems correct “Names have an effect on one’s personality” we can understand Zardari not only got hold of the share of wealth from his family but also became lucky enough to sit like a snake on Ms. Benazir Bhutto’s money as well but now   whole Pakistan Nation’s money is at steak. Its strange the name Zardari is being used to hint on frauds and dishonesty and the phrases like emerge ” Dont be Zardari, we are equal partners”, Are you Zardari or what that I pay you with out any work completed yet”, haa haa! dont tell me you are going to inform government about my frauds hahahahaa you really mean Zardari’s government”

Lets come down to our good looking humble and soft spoken PA opps sorry PM Mr. Gillani. People describe him as PM of Multan and Lahore some say that he will come out of day dreaming and will become savior of People of Pakistan not not that of Mr. Zardari. He has passed time with Zardari sb in the jail as well so I suggest we start screening for our next President and Prime Minister from renowned Jails of Adyala, Mach and Lahore and bring the selected criminals I mean the candidates in a reality show or a quiz show Like Kon banayga PM or President, we cant name the program as Kon banay ga Crore Patti as its understood that people could become multi billionaires after becoming PM or President. PM is an innocent man, he still says in his addresses to People of Pakistan that “he has decided”, “he has ordered”, “he has done it”, “I have plans to go to”, come on Mr. PM, we cant laugh at same joke every day we know its not you its Mr. Zardari’s talent of Multi tasking through which he is running presidency and PM secretariat at the same time on profit sharing basis, profit sharing on the basis that one who gets all the work done, gets all the share,  seems like a workable deal.

Normal sorry common man in Pakistan at time thinks that there are Million of Dollars and Mahsud’s head,  and if he could strike a deal with a good plastic surgeon, he could ask his family to present his dead body to Americans and America’s Zardari to earn livelihood for his family which he would not have dreamt as an alive commoner. That Idea has to be kept secret other wise if Mr. Zardari would get a mere hint about it, he would get a surgery done on any of the opposition leaders and rest would be history.

20/20 cricket has given me the idea of getting marriages organized for twenty weeks contract, if its workable for both parties during that time then a life time membership contract can be awarded. Pakistan is a strange country,  a couple keeps on hating each other in the heart but tell each other and the people with in their families that they are madly in love ….. Folks in my books they are madly busy in producing children and then looking after them and each other half heatedly. There is no point living with a person you don’t love for the sake of your parents respect and the care of your children. This 20/20 contract would be valid only with strict condition of no babies please (once they are willing to go together as life partners they would be allowed to have as many kids as possible on asap basis) Its a natural phenomena for men in Pakistan that soon after their Nikah (signing of marriage certificate) all the other women in the world start looking far more beautiful and attractive, its like buying a new mobile phone and then repenting that if I would have a little more, a new sleek, stylish and more hi-tech phone would have been available at the same time. And once you try to get rid of your mobile or a newly wedded wife, chances are total loss of initial investment and the fear as well that both new models would loose their face value with in six months, cause of mobiles with limited warranty and wife with six months pregnancy.

In Zia ul Haqs regime, minister ship was an easy job, all you had to do was to “do nothing” Junejo sb did not like the idea, he asked ministers to not to spend money on luxuries and start doing work, all ministers worked hard to ensure that Junejo sb is no more a prime minister. With the Musharaf in government, Ministerial was more of a high street life style thing, a red carpet Catwalk of celebrities like ministers both male and female wearing International and National top of the line brands and expensive perfumes all around the venue used to the national assembly session. This trend brought in the number contenders competition with in the likes of Sherry Rehman, Kashmala Tariq, Ms. Laghari etc to won the prime title of most attractive politician around, for that daily tonnes of make up material used before the final appearance from the ward robe of at least 300 new labels according to the weather, occasion and nature of the meeting! Who says we dont have glamour in politics, politics is all about glamour these days, its never been about people’s welfare at least in Pakistan for the last few years.

Budget has always been a “Bad Jut” as it focuses on making the life miserable of the people already in misery and its not like the real legendry ” Maula Jut” who had been a savior of the poor and another name of death to the eiltes who gather money by un-fair means. My suggestion is that before making the budget, the team reponsible to make the budget including the minister, should be sent to a two bed room house in Karachi’s Kachi abaadi along with their families with Rupees 6000 a total budget to pay utility bills, run the kitchen, kids schooling, looking after parents and brothers and sisters and above all remain normal in 14 hours load shedding in a day. Then they would know how one mere change of couple of percent in price can effect rather make or break lives of ordinary people, No one is ordinary Allah has created every human being with some specialty and its our government who has made them think of them selves as lowlifes. Thanks to NGO’s and my salute to Edhi Foundation for their continued support and free help to the deprived people.

Talking of specialties, we have certain specialties that none of the Nation’s posses. We have the specialty to auction the seat of PM secretly, we have the specialty to say yes to USA as long as we are not suffered, we have specialty to cover budget deficits from 20% of our population rest all are either not falling under the taxable income category or simply they dont pay taxes. We have a specialty singer she sings special dirty songs which make you hate all kind of music, so you dont buy buy audio and video gadgets, no cds n stuff and keep your expenses under control. We have a specialty in getting away even with murder what to talk of ordinary crimes with a special under cover law by the name of NRO, we were away from mainstream war front for quite some time now so our government showed a specialty to the armed forces, a special practice of war in which they will not only kill the terrorists in the northern areas but they will be free to kill our own innocent helpless people who are being used as cover by the Taliban, the biggest speciality in us so far in Pakistan  (of course after Zardari sb) is our selfish special attitude which does not bother us at all when our own brothers n sisters including kids are being butchered but we are happy enjoying life, buying a 3 million rupees price tagged car for girl friend, organising dance parties, planning summer vacations etc.

My genuine fear is that these specialties might result in a revolution which could be similar to that of France and Iran, if I discuss it with half sedated Politicians, they would say ” Yes we are equally good like French when it comes to revolution stuff”

Now the ending notes on ex-Lord of the Kings “Gen. r . Musharaf” can some body please tell him to stop getting humiliated in the conferences like he was in India by a local Muslim Scholar who suggested his nose out of Indian Muslims problems. I would not go for a Million dollar to the country which is always rated by the biggest enemy of the state and get my self ridiculed and degraded by every body and still thinking that people love to hear me. Musharaf can write a hot selling book of 10,001 laughing moments that would include excerpts from his lectures and speeches he delivered inside and out side of Pakistan during his rule and during the time he was ruled out!!!! (his previous book was also having 3 jokes per page so when it comes to good comic script writing Musharaf is the kinG in his tarde).

Yes we are a Nation brave enough to offer our life for our state and sensitive enough to comitt suicide if not given the due respect but apart from that we still enjoy good humour, we watch news at every channel dont we folks? We go out and vote the same people every election, we cant change our old car and an old wife but we expect bigger chnages in the country over night with out our participation and hard ships, we do wrong and we dont admitt it, we take bribe and we keep beard, we go out for Preaching of Islam and when we come back we export substandard goods across the world, we claim as leaders that we will live n die for the people of Pakistan but we run away with or with out suitcases on the very first chance we get. We try to live in people’s heart by sitting in London to avoid criminal cases and funniest of these is the fact that we tell people that we are your President and Prime Minister, Chief Minister, governor etc of Pakistan, but we serve American interests.

I dont know whether you end up laughing or get more depressed reading above but we have to go for a collaborative effort to fix things and attitudes back to normal before its too late. Is not it too late already?